you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
