Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
