sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
