good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
