He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
