My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
