I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
