I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
