On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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