break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Say something about gay babies.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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