____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
