the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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