Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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