He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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