I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
