grandma shit on top of the toilet
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
