I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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