i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
