textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I love you. Go after that dick
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