I wanna bring you to show and tell
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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