wat bout pragnant strippers??
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Randomize
