So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
