I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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