I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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