Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
