who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
