How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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