At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
try to milk me bitch
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
