I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
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as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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