i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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