it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
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They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
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Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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