i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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