Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize