they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
