I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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