This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
