So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
no you cant smoke seaweed
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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