Yo dont text me then not text me
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
