i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I need a beard to bite.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
