Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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