you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
