the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
