You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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