I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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