Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
