Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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