Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
