Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
