can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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