Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
