I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Oh god it's open bar.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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