Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
