She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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