oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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