Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
