So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
