if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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