I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
