That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
