you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
