She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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