Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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