On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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