He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
