What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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