I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
