Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
