11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
