Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
