True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
