sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
