After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
