vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
