Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
