I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
