I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
