When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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