walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
