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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
