Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
