i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
