Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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