what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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