I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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