Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
